neornitheslogs | [Closed to Ankh and Eiji]

Eiji backed up at Ankh's reaction, holding the hand he had rejected as if the action had actually hurt him. Hina's touch was reassuring in a way, but it didn't change that he had screwed up and made things worse. He hated that he had done that to her just because he felt like he had to help as much as he could. He really shouldn't have been there at all.

"Sorry, Hina-chan." He nodded to her and stepped aside. It was dumb to think he could do something she couldn't.

She shook her head. "Thanks."

And then she stepped up to Ankh and looked down at him. "Whether or not it was my fault, I'm still apologizing." She crouched beside him. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine," he said coldly. He had a remaining glare for Eiji, but he managed to not look so harshly at Hina.

Back on his feet, he set back to pacing again. "You don't understand what you're asking me to do. You don't know the kind of person I've had to be to keep this up."

"Keep what up?" Hina got to her feet and kept a respectful distance from Ankh as he paced. "I still don't understand why you have to be somebody different."

He took a deep breath. "It was supposed to be deep cover. I had to be this person because that is who the Greeed were. Vicious, murdering, ruthless. Adding what I knew about security and technology only ramped it up. The most ruthless band of thieves in a thousand years is no exaggeration. We had no problems killing whoever we needed to to get at what we wanted. And I laughed when we did it. And after my Branch of Sin appeared, I have set people on fire before. I did it to security guards, other cops."

He shook his head. "That's what I mean when I say Shingo is as good as dead."

Hearing it laid out like that made Hina stiffen up. He'd set people on fire? He'd killed people? She'd figured that an undercover operation meant he'd have to pretend to be someone else, but she hadn't known it would mean this much.

She looked over at Eiji helplessly. She didn't know what to say.

Eiji dropped his head, not even able to look Hina in the eyes. On the day that he had met Ankh he got some idea of what kind of criminal he was, but he didn't want to believe he had actually taken lives. In the back of his mind he always knew that it was probably true, and now that he knew for sure he almost didn't know what to say or do.

"If you changed who you were before," he began with a clear hesitance, his voice low, "couldn't you do it again?"

He was still afraid to look at either of them, but he couldn't stay quiet. He just couldn't.

It wasn't supposed to mean all that. It wasn't even supposed to last this long. He could barely deal with that look on Hina's face. He couldn't retreat into that person.

"If I did, I couldn't ever be Ankh again. And if any of us are going to survive this place, then you'll need him."

Hina wanted to scream, honestly. She wanted to grab him by his shoulders and shake him and insist that she didn't want him to be Ankh, she wanted Shingo back, and why would that be such a problem? The more she learned the surer she was that Ankh was a horrible person. But Shingo wasn't. Shingo could never be.

She made herself stay calm, though. "It wasn't Ankh who spared me in that game yesterday."

"No, no it wasn't," he conceded. "It was your brother." It was as though he was still talking about a person separate from himself. "Ankh is the only reason I've survived to make it into this prison. If I go back to who I used to be, then I am not going to be able to protect you the same way he could. No matter how much I want to. The flames are more a part of Ankh than they are Shingo." He sighed, his shoulders drooped, and he stuffed his hands into his pants pockets.

"Basically, if you want Shingo back I'm going to have to give up the best tool I have to protect you. I don't know if I could do that."

Before he could think through what he was doing, Eiji had moved forward again and balled his fist, his feeling of determination creeping back in.

"But if the two of us work together, won't we be more powerful than if we were on our own? We both care about Hina-chan, so because we have a common goal I know we can get along." He locked eyes with him, hoping that this time what he was saying would do good. "That, and... before, you said she deserves better. I really believe you can make that happen."

He shook his head. "How naive can you get?! What have you ever needed to use your own two hands to protect other than your own pathetic life?! And you couldn't even do that without my help!" Even he didn't know what it was about Eiji that made him so angry. Maybe it was because he'd been that naive once too.

"Do you think I don't know that I was too weak on my own?!" Eiji raised his voice suddenly, but it wasn't anger so much as it was desperation. "In the past I failed to protect the people who were most important to me. An entire village died because I wasn't strong enough, Ankh!"

He was exasperated nearly beyond words, but if he had any chance of making Ankh understand he had to keep going.

"I do know how it feels when you want do everything you can to protect the ones you love. I know you think you can only do that as Ankh, but you're wrong. You're wrong because even if you're trying to keep her safe you're breaking her heart! How is that right?!"

Eiji's confession about the village plainly caught Ankh off-guard. He struggled to find something to say for a moment.

While he had plenty to answer for in here, he didn't have any right to drag Hina down with him. And if there was anything she needed in a place like this, it was family. Maybe... somehow... he could make it work.

"I don't think," he started, but ran out of steam quickly. Deciding and admitting to it were two different things. "I don't think I can promise that things will be back to how they used to be right away, if at all. I'll have to break him apart piece by piece. And I don't know if I can ever be who I used to be again. And I'm going to mess up. A lot, probably. But I'm going to try." He ran his fingers through the fluffy side of his hair and gave it a tug on the way back out again.

Hina looked worried as Ankh and Eiji bickered, and when Eiji made that confession she felt like she just might cry. She'd had no idea.

But when Ankh relented, she rubbed at her eyes as if to try and wake herself up. No, she wasn't dreaming. This really was true. Trying was good enough, considering everything that had happened up until now.

She squeezed Eiji's arm reassuringly, then moved forward and wrapped her arms around Shingo.

Eiji had half expected to get punched in the face, but it seemed like Ankh had actually taken what he had said seriously. At his concession he looked completely dumbfounded. After all the arguments the three of them had been in and all the times he had denied who he was... he was actually going to give up being Ankh?

He smiled weakly at Hina when she passed him but didn't say anything. He was holding his breath to see what Ankh would do next.

He stiffened a bit when Hina hugged him, and he still looked unsure of what to do. But he didn't resist. He cast his eyes over to Eiji as if he would have some kind of answer for him.

"Take your time, Shingo," Hina said. It couldn't be easy, if what he was saying was true. "Eiji-san and me will be here for you, so don't worry, okay?"

Eiji finally let the tense feeling in his body go, smiling freely. Maybe things really would be okay. For a moment he seemed to be surprised when Ankh looked to him, but then he motioned for him to hug her back while nodding in agreement with what Hina had said.

He raised a hand and let it rest at around Hina's waist. He brought his head down and rested his cheek against the side of her temple. Ah, yes, this felt right. Hina's hugs never failed to make him feel better. And even in prison, she still smelled the same.

After a long moment, he was less stiff, and brought his arms around her to return the hug more properly.

Hina grinned wider and tightened her grip around Shingo.

Maybe a little too tight.

Oops.

Nevermind the strangling sounds coming from Ankh right now. Okay maybe he forgot about that part.

"H-Hina-chan!" His eyes widened and he ran over, waving his hands at her to stop. "You're squeezing too hard!"

"Eek!" She let go and took a step back. "I'm so sorry, Shingo!"

"Right... I remember that..." He dropped onto the edge of the bed, rather like deflating. He was a little dazed, but not hurt.

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